50 Ways to Lose Your Lover During ‘Cross Season

By Cheri Felix

I have at least five pairs of gloves. At least. And they are all for cyclocross depending on the weather; the ambient temperature, the wind, the humidity level. I could go on but I’d only out myself as someone who is such a newbie just trying to fit in.

It’s that time of year when more than a few of us get glassy eyed. We go from one race to another looking for that best course, that best race strategy, that best weather pattern that serves our strengths and reduces our weaknesses. We ponder PSI and have way too many conversations about tires and wheel weight and barriers, sand and skin suits. Frankly, it’s when some of us and I’ll speak for myself, are so annoying we may be hard to look at in the morning. Cyclocross is hard on our bodies and our bikes and for some, their skin suits. But we can also be hard to live with during these months.

Here are a few tips for those of you who race ‘cross.

Some people in your life don’t actually care that you race. I know it’s hard to hear but it’s the truth. Some people don’t care how many pairs of gloves you have and they really don’t care if you are wearing your skin suit or your bibs. They don’t think your stories are funny about how so and so almost put your number on the wrong way and you were reprimanded by a race official. Having a tough time in the port o potty with a skin suit on? No one cares. Remember that time you rode the sickest line through the sand? No one else does. Here’s my best advice. Act like no one cares but you. This ‘cross thing is so addictive I know it’s hard to keep it all under wraps. But pretend you’re on match dot com. Don’t show all your cards at once. Don’t bring up subjects the other person doesn’t understand. It’s not nice to make people feel silly.

And for those of you married to, in relationship with or even if you have your eye on the super crossy guy or gal here are a few tips for you.

Remember that ‘cross season is a finite amount of time. For most of us amateurs that is. Remember that your person still loves you. They are just too obsessed to see it right now. Don’t try one of those intervention things. It won’t work. It never does. Flying in their loved ones to some cold hotel room and sitting in a circle telling them how you all feel left out isn’t going to help. You’ll lose. ‘Cross is special. It’s like that favorite girlfriend or boyfriend from high school. It’s perfect and you don’t remember the carnation they gave you at prom. In your mind it was a rose. ‘Cross makes us think that everyone cares about tire pressure. Ssh. (picture me putting a finger to your lips) Don’t even try to tell us different. Tell us we’re fat and ugly and never going to amount to anything but for the love of god, don’t tell us you don’t care about our tire pressure.

Just remember that no matter where you place or how obsessed your lover is, it will be alright. I promise.

Disclaimer and author’s note: My husband is perfect and supportive and by the way honey I’ll be racing every weekend until it’s over. Hope that’s okay.